Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
