A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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