my vag is so smooth its legendary
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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