Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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