(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She told me I should be a condom model.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
whose parrot is this?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
