So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
