We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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