Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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