i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
