My room smells like vodka and shame
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
