Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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