I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
