Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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