wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
