Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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