I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
