You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
