My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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