Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize