U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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