weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
