So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
