the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
