Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Let's get the cat blown out
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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