The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
