I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
