It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
