You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How external is "for external use only"?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
