when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
