Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
