'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
