just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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