my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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