I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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