apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
