Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
