he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You were trust falling into bushes
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize