She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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