im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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