Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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