she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
