I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize