i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
