You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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