i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
