Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
