i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
