apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
