Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize