I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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