Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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