This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just had sex on a roof
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
