i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
where does the pee come out of this thing
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
