HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
