You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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