I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
