you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
