She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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