Got a toothbrush?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
