I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
