Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
