You can't motorboat a personality
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
