What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
