Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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