the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
