At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
