So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
