i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When are your genitals available?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
