bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
