Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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