I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
