just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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