She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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