3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I puked a lego.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
