You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
