Im at strip club and am horny
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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