We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
