Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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