i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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