Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
