I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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