They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
