Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
