woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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