im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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