If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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