The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
