Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
