The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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