After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
