And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
