I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i came on her dog
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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