i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
