My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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