it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize