Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
