??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
