i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
